By His Grace: A Journal of Returning
Finding Peace Where I Left It — With God

Black Saturday night of April 19, 2025

Tonight, as I sit quietly with a warm cup of tea, I find myself reflecting on a journey I didn’t fully understand until recently. It’s the journey of becoming a Christian—not in name alone, but in heart and belief. A follower of Jesus Christ. For anyone unfamiliar, Christianity is more than just a system of beliefs or a weekly church ritual. At its core, it’s a relationship with the living God, made possible through Jesus Christ—our Savior, our Redeemer, and the Son of God.

I didn’t always see it that way. I was baptized into the Catholic faith as an infant, raised in a country where Christianity—especially Catholicism—is deeply woven into the culture. Growing up, I participated in church services, said my prayers, and went through the motions. But something was missing. I had questions no one seemed to answer, and a longing I couldn’t quite name.

I started to notice things that didn’t sit right with me. Repeated prayers that felt more memorized than meaningful. Statues and icons used in worship that I didn’t fully understand. The rituals of Mass, though familiar, often felt distant—like something was happening around me, but not in me. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe in God—I just wasn’t sure I knew Him.

So I made a choice. I started searching.

That search led me outside the walls of my tradition. I visited different churches, listened to different perspectives, and even explored other world religions and beliefs. I read books, had deep conversations, and most importantly—I opened the Bible for myself.

The more I read, the more I began to see the big picture. From the Old Testament to the New, one message stood out: God had always been reaching out to humanity. The prophets foretold the coming of a Savior, and the New Testament revealed that Savior to be Jesus Christ. My reading of course isn’t regular and it took more than two decades of doubting and Jesus showing up in my dreams twice during those doubting years before I realized that I’m being personally saved.

“But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.” — Isaiah 53:5, KJV

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” — Romans 6:23, ESV

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” — John 3:16, NIV

These verses hit me differently than anything else ever had. This wasn’t about religion. It was about rescue. It was about a gift—offered freely to anyone who would receive it.

Still, I wrestled with the decision. Could I really believe this? Was I ready to leave behind old assumptions and fully embrace Jesus as one with God the creator?

So, I explored. I visited other churches, learned about different branches of Christianity from different people and even looked into other world religions. Along the way, I engaged in conversations, read scripture, and sought to understand the deeper truths behind faith. Today, I find myself at my table, not just drinking tea, but deeply immersed in the teachings and revelations of Jesus Christ. What I’ve discovered has brought me clarity. After years of questioning if Jesus is God and the origins of the universe, my mind and heart are finally at peace with a divine order—a "cosmogony"—centered on Christ, the Word through whom all things were made (John 1:1-3). In 2025, we are experiencing what feels like a global burst of knowledge—an explosion of information, technology, and rapid communication. This isn’t just a modern phenomenon; it was actually foretold in the Bible.

In the book of Daniel, there's a prophecy that speaks directly to this time: ● KJV (King James Version): “Many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall be increased.” ● NIV (New International Version): “Many will go here and there to increase knowledge.” ● ESV (English Standard Version): “Many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall increase.” This verse, Daniel 12:4, is part of a larger vision about the end times, in which the prophet is told to seal the scroll of prophecy until “the time of the end.”

The increase of knowledge and the movement of people across the earth would be signs of that approaching season. Before the 3rd of April just a few weeks ago, I wouldn’t have understood the weight of that scripture. I hadn't yet fully accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. But about two weeks ago April 3 to April 4, everything changed—I gave my life to Christ. Before then, I viewed the world and its complexities with only a curious or analytical mindset.

Now, with spiritual eyes opened, I see how scripture speaks with remarkable accuracy about the world we live in. What once seemed like coincidence now feels like confirmation. I’m currently reading the Bible again—this time using a Bible app on my tablet that also reads the 2 scriptures aloud to me. It’s perfect for my lifestyle, allowing me to both read and listen, whether I’m at home or on the go. I can’t recall exactly when I first read the Bible but I do remember being a teenager when I began to come across quotes and verses that deeply resonated with me. To my surprise, many of these messages I admired were rooted in the Christian Bible.

My earliest memory of being introduced to Jesus Christ goes all the way back to when I was about three or four years old—around my kindergarten years, if memory serves me right. I vividly recall my mother teaching me how to pray before bedtime. She would gently press my palms together, encourage me to close my eyes, and guide me in a simple, heartfelt prayer that began with, “Dear Papa Jesus, I thank You for all the blessings today.” We would thank God for our food, for everything we had that day, and my mother would lead me to pray for my father—asking God to guide and protect him at work and bring him home safely. We would also pray for blessings and protection for our whole family, always ending with “thank You, and amen.”

Even now, that early structure of prayer has stayed with me. Beginning with gratitude, remembering to pray for others, and seeking God’s protection—it became second nature. And while “Amen” is a traditional way to close a prayer (a Hebrew word meaning “so be it” or “truly”), for me it carries the weight of those tender childhood moments. I’m truly grateful my mother introduced me to prayer so early. It laid a foundation that has shaped how I connect with God to this day.

For a long time, I rationalized my sin. I justified my actions and allowed my mind to become cluttered with the noise and distractions of the world—what I now recognize as spiritual and mental "trash." Even though I’ve always considered myself articulate and thoughtful, that mental clutter made it difficult for the Holy Spirit to fully guide me into the deeper truths of reality—the kind of understanding I’ve been yearning for. So my identity as a person all these years is the one who has persevered through life’s challenges to reach where I am today. I’ve always been both highly artistic and scientifically inclined, constantly seeking to understand how the world works on both a creative and logical level. But no matter how sharp the mind, without spiritual clarity, there's a limit to what we can truly grasp. It wasn’t until I humbled myself and opened my heart to God's Spirit that I began to see more clearly—not just with intellect, but with faith. Before you read any further, I’d like to first share how I understand reality, the Good News, and my Christian faith. This way, you’ll have a clearer perspective on where I’m coming from and the foundation of my viewpoint.

I’d like to take a moment to share how God has revealed Himself to me on a personal level. I already mentioned the first encounter when I first learned about the name Jesus from my Mother. The second was when Jesus appeared to me in a dream—a quiet but profound moment that left a lasting impression; I'll write more details about this separately. But the third encounter, which happened just over two weeks ago, was the most powerful and life-changing of them all. In that dream, I was being held tightly by dark forces, around my body are veiled darkness hands and these forces holding human shape figures,.. . no flesh but gloomy and looks like shadows. The happening; It felt terrifying and utterly helpless. In desperation, I shouted and called, “Jesus, help me.” The moment I finished those words, I was immediately freed—snapped out of the grasp of those forces. When I woke up, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something real had happened. I began to reflect on it deeply and realized that in my most helpless moments throughout life, I had always instinctively called on Jesus for help and protection.

What truly surprised me was that even though I hadn’t consciously accepted Jesus as God until recently, my subconscious already knew who to call. Despite years of questioning and even doubting His divinity, the name of Jesus was still the one I turned to in crisis. Looking back, I see that this wasn’t just coincidence or emotional reflex—it was grace. I’m not sharing this to take any credit for myself. I’m simply offering a narrative of what I’ve observed in my own journey. And when you step back and consider it, it’s clear that it’s only by God’s grace that any of this has happened. His love, mercy, and patience are what brought me to this point of realization.

The ultimate truth I’ve come to realize is this: the God I’ve been praying to—God the Father—is fully revealed in the person of Jesus Christ. While I’ve always been aware of the doctrine of the Trinity—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—I hadn’t fully embraced the power of God’s Spirit or personally addressed Jesus in my prayers.

I must pause here to honor someone dear—my mother. It was through her gentle guidance in my early years that I first heard the name of Jesus. She taught me how to pray, how to say thank you to “Papa Jesus” before bed, and how to speak to God with trust. Though I didn’t fully understand the depth of Christ’s divinity back then, her faithful example planted a seed in my heart that never truly withered.

For a long time, I saw Jesus primarily as a moral teacher and guiding light—but now I understand He is not only that—He is God Himself, present with me in every moment. I now understand more deeply what Scripture affirms: “Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9, NIV), Jesus said. He also declared, “I and the Father are one” (John 10:30, ESV). These words shattered my previous distinctions. Jesus is not only the way to God—He is God.

He is the fullness of God in bodily form (Colossians 2:9), and through Him, the love and character of the Father are revealed. As for how I was taught to pray—it was simple and sincere, often without ceremony. Sometimes I’d press my palms together or close my eyes, but even when I didn’t, I believed God knew my heart and mind. Yet, my worldview had a pantheistic undertone. I believed in a harmonious Creator who wove order and beauty into the universe and gave us life to be lived meaningfully, sharing blessings with others. And there’s truth in that. As James 1:17 says, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights.”

But what changed everything was Jesus Christ revealing Himself to me personally. That moment was life-altering. Despite having built up mental frameworks and personal philosophies that brought me some worldly success, I couldn’t escape a quiet emptiness inside—a hole I couldn’t fill.

The reason was clear: I am a sinner. I had rationalized my sins, convincing myself that they were just part of the process, part of my story of growth and success. I looked back at my failed relationships and labeled them “lessons.” I saw my struggles and emotional blind spots as normal—even admirable at times. I dismissed sinful desires as natural, like admiring beauty or sacrificing my time for money while neglecting my relationship with God.

I was consumed by curiosity about how the universe works but missed the why—the Creator behind it all. These thoughts and pursuits seemed logical, even noble. But in truth, they were quietly enslaving me. They justified my consumption of pornography. They silenced me from sharing Jesus with friends and family. They made me hesitant—shy even—to speak about the Good News, the very message that brings life. Lust became easier to rationalize in a world that glorifies casual connections, where relationships are rarely God-centered, and where success is measured by power, wealth, and influence.

Let me be clear: I don’t believe those things—money, influence, or personal success—are inherently evil. They're simply tools or “currencies” we can use in this world. But without balance, without a God-centered perspective, they can hollow out the soul. As Jesus warned: “What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?” (Mark 8:36, NIV).

What I’ve learned is that sin isn’t just about breaking rules—it’s about breaking relationships. It dulls our spiritual senses and distances us from God’s presence. And the only thing that bridges that gap is grace—God’s unearned, unwavering mercy through Jesus Christ.

As it is written: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8, NIV). Everything I’ve shared here is not to condemn myself or others, but to be honest about how easy it is to drift into spiritual numbness—even with good intentions and intellectual insight. But I now know that "the Spirit helps us in our weakness" (Romans 8:26), and I’m learning to rely not on my understanding, but on God's grace and truth.

One of the big questions I had growing up was this: If the Bible was written by human beings, how can I be sure it hasn’t been corrupted over time? That question opened the door to a long journey for me—one that led me to study different religions, explore human history, and dive deep into the origins of the universe. Along the way, I explored philosophies about reality and consciousness, and followed the work of scholars and researchers from all walks of life. My approach combined observation of the natural world, critical thinking, and a deep hunger for truth.

Today, I’m still on that journey—but now it’s more focused than ever. I’m learning more about the spiritual world, growing in my understanding of the Bible, and strengthening my foundation in Jesus Christ. So, what have I come to believe about the Bible, Jesus, and God?

First, I’ve come to trust that the Christian Bible we have today is reliable. While it's true that the Bible was written by human hands, it was inspired by God Himself. As 2 Timothy 3:16 (NIV) says, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” The original texts were written in Hebrew, Greek, and some Aramaic. And though we now read them in various English translations, great care has been taken through centuries of scholarship and preservation to ensure accuracy and faithfulness to the original manuscripts. Major translations such as the King James Version (KJV), New International Version (NIV), and English Standard Version (ESV) are the result of decades of work by expert translators who compare thousands of ancient manuscripts. In fact, the sheer volume of ancient manuscripts we have for the Bible—over 5,000 in Greek alone—makes it one of the most historically verifiable texts in the world.

In other words, we’re reading the same message believers were reading nearly 2,000 years ago. What’s even more powerful is that the message hasn’t changed: the Good News of Jesus Christ—His life, death, and resurrection—is still transforming lives today, just as it did then. And it’s not just a historical story—it’s a living truth. “The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever” (Isaiah 40:8, ESV).

Jesus Christ didn’t come into the world as God in the flesh merely to teach us how to navigate life or to conquer it by worldly standards.

His mission was far deeper. He came to lead us back to our divine origin—to restore our broken relationship with God, not through religious rule-keeping, but through grace, truth, and love.

During His time on Earth, Jesus challenged the idea that righteousness could be earned by strictly following laws, traditions, or rituals—like observing the Sabbath without compassion or placing trust in outward acts alone. He didn’t reject the law, but fulfilled it (Matthew 5:17, NIV), and showed us that the heart behind our actions matters more than the actions themselves. Jesus invites us into a living relationship with Him—not a checklist religion.

He said, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6, ESV). That’s not just a statement of spiritual direction; it’s a declaration of identity.

Jesus is the only way back to our Creator and to the righteousness we were made for. What’s more, Jesus’ humanity reminds us that God is not distant or detached from our struggles. He entered into our suffering to show that He understands it deeply. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin” (Hebrews 4:15, NIV). Through His life, death, and resurrection, Jesus reveals that God’s grace is here—present, active, and available. And because of Him, we’re invited not just to follow a path, but to walk in relationship with the very One who created us.

Last night I wrote about my thoughts and in continuation I’ll share my thoughts about what I am doing after accepting Jesus Christ as my savior.

It wasn’t a lightning bolt moment, but a gradual, undeniable shift. As I continued reading Scripture, learning from the right people with the Holy Spirit and opening my heart, I felt clarity for the first time. My questions didn’t all vanish, but peace came anyway. Two weeks ago, I said it out loud—and meant it with everything in me: Jesus Christ is the son of God and our savior. I chose to believe in Him. I chose to follow Him. And in that moment, I received the gift of salvation. “If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” — Romans 10:9, NIV

“For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” — Romans 10:13, KJV

“Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” — Romans 10:13, ESV

Looking back, I can see how every choice—every doubt, every question, every form of prayer—was part of the process. I had to come to a place where I was ready to choose. Ready to receive. Ready to surrender.

And what amazes me even more is how scripture speaks directly into the world we live in today. As I watch society move faster than ever—with technology, travel, and information spreading at a rate we’ve never seen before—I’m reminded of a prophecy from the book of Daniel:

“Many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall be increased.” — Daniel 12:4, KJV

“Many will go here and there to increase knowledge.” — Daniel 12:4, NIV

“Many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall increase.” — Daniel 12:4, ESV

This verse has taken on new meaning for me. It’s not just poetic—it’s prophetic. We are living in a time of unprecedented access to knowledge. And with that knowledge comes responsibility—the responsibility to choose wisely.

Jesus does emphasize the importance of understanding prophecy, watching for signs, and heeding what is written — and that absolutely includes Revelation.

📖 1. Revelation 1:3 — A direct blessing and invitation to understand

KJV:

“Blessed is he that readeth, and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand.”

NIV:

“Blessed is the one who reads aloud the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear it and take to heart what is written in it, because the time is near.”

ESV:

“Blessed is the one who reads aloud the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear, and who keep what is written in it, for the time is near.”

🟢 Key point: Jesus, through John’s vision, directly blesses those who read, hear, and obey the Revelation. That’s a strong spiritual encouragement to study it seriously.

📖 2. Matthew 24:15 — Jesus tells us to understand prophecy

“When ye therefore shall see the abomination of desolation, spoken of by Daniel the prophet, stand in the holy place, (whoso readeth, let him understand:)”

—Matthew 24:15 (KJV)

🟢 Jesus refers to Old Testament prophecy and inserts a side-note: “let the reader understand.” This shows He expects and encourages us to understand prophetic scripture — which would include Revelation.

📖 3. Mark 13:37 — “What I say to you, I say to everyone: Watch!”

This is from Jesus' prophetic teaching about the end times.

It highlights awareness, readiness, and responsibility.

🟣 Ethiopian Orthodox Perspective

The Ethiopian Bible includes the Book of Revelation and views it with deep reverence. In many Ethiopian Orthodox teachings:

Revelation is often chanted or read liturgically.

It's seen as a divine mystery to be revealed through spiritual preparation, fasting, and prayer.

Believers are encouraged to know the times, repent, and remain faithful to the Lamb.

You may not find an exact phrase in Amharic translations that says "you are responsible," but the liturgical usage and reverence placed on prophecy (like Revelation, Enoch, and Daniel) implies a responsibility to be spiritually awake and discerning.

I get a bit excited to share what I’m just realizing. I even chatted with a friend, May Ann, a devoted Christian about my conclusions right after talking to my beloved wife Sheryl. I used to view the world only through a curious, analytical lens. But now, I see it through spiritual eyes. What once seemed like coincidence now feels like confirmation. The Bible isn’t just ancient wisdom—it’s living truth.

From the past days, since the 3rd of April I have been in repentance and in awe of the profound energy that’s within me, this feeling of warm light is a strong sense of obedience to Christ

The gift of salvation was always there. I just hadn’t reached out to take it.

But now I have.

Part 1: The Gift of Salvation and the Power of Choice